Just how many times have I made a resolve, and shamefully watch it dissolve in a pool of excuses, reasons and really lame procrastinations. I have lost count of the number of times I have embarked upon this 7-day detoxification diet and disembarked at the first opportunity to eat the most sinful of items, like a pizza, or a pastry or chocolates! Gym memberships gone wasted, books bought but left abandoned in a carton box, blog posts started but left unfinished, recipes downloaded but never tried, those phone calls I should have made when it made sense, the clumsy collection of music and movies that lies on my drive waiting to be sorted, the photographs I have been meaning to arrange in folders…and so on…..this really long list is a testimonial to how weak my determination is. Every time I do this, every time I break my resolve, or not do that little thing I meant to do then, I lose confidence in myself. I learn and re-learn, that I don’t stick to my plans.
Now, when I say to myself, “I will go for a jog tomorrow morning”, my own voice in my head sounds unsure. I know that I will find a reason to not go tomorrow morning for that jog, even when I am saying to myself that I will.
Sometimes, when there is something that I must do, really want to do, but am scared, that my procrastinating and lazy self will invariably find reasons for not doing, then,I make my plans public. I tell someone , whose opinion matters, about my plans. The fear of appearing lazy/weak in someway, to the other person, ensures that I do what I intent to do. Whatever works!
This is definitely not the way things should be. I hope I successfully change this behavior pattern for the better…and soon. I hope I sound much more confident about my plans in my head.I want to see my plan materialize. I want to be able to tick off the items from my “To Do” “Must Do” “Should Do” lists ( that have been sitting there since time immemorial) , and add new ones. Like the Nike ad says, “Just Do it”, I need to “just do it..”
